Breaking Barriers and Trusting Again
Key Strategies to Learning How to Trust Again
By: Megan Newman
Breaking barriers. hen you hear that phrase what is the first thing that comes to mind? A break through? Physically moving something in your way? What about releasing yourself from bondage? When I think about breaking barriers I think of overcoming obstacles that otherwise seem impossible.
When I was a teenager the thought of being able to get through the current moment seemed the furthest thing from my reach. I had many different kinds of relationships shattered and repairing them was the furthest thing from my mind. Little did I know that my major break through had absolutely nothing to do with everybody else and had everything to do with how I handled the hurt.
Trusting people is on of the absolute hardest things to “reteach” yourself. Lets take a second to really explore the behind the scenes of trust and why it is broken in the first place. There is a verse of a song (one of my favorites might I add) by The Judds and the is called “That’s What Makes You Strong” the verse goes like this: “And to trust somebody is to be disappointed, it’s never what you wanted, and it happens every time. But if you’re the trusting kind, this don’t even cross your mind, and oh it’s a funny thing but that’s what makes you strong.”
The first time I heard that song it really made me stop think what is the intention behind trusting people? Naturally we trust somebody to have a need fulfilled. We cannot fulfill every need we have on our own. Lets face it, it’s not the same. So when we reach out our hand to trust somebody in the very first place it is letting down a guard and allowing yourself to be vulnerable.
When you let down your guard you have a certain level of expectation in return, and if it is not met we lose trust. Now, I am not going to talk about expectations and the fine line of understanding and assuming, that’s for another blog post, but what I am going to share are key strategies to learning to trust again.
1. Forgiveness – Whatever the reason is. Whatever experience you hold within your heart, you need to forgive. Forgiveness is absolutely the first step in building a trusting relationship again, even with yourself. Remember that forgiveness has nothing to do with the other person, nor does it excuse the behavior. It releases the negativity that you hold in your physical being by giving yourself permission to move on.
2. Start Small – Designate small things that you or the other person can be trusted with. Make sure there is no emotional attachment if the commitment is not met. Don’t hold grudges! If you find yourself holding grudges you aren’t ready to move on. That’s a choice you are making to stay miserable. When you make the decision to release the grudge, please come back and read this article again.
3. Open the Lines of Communication – As I always say communication is key it is SO important to be open and honest about everything that you are feeling. Starting with a clean slate will set you up for success. Use this script if need be. “(Name,) I know there has been hurt feelings, however I’d like to open the lines of communication between you and I. I want to make sure that we both understand that this is to help us, not to hurt us. (Name) can you agree to use this conversation to aid our relationship and not hold it against each other in the future?”
4. Be Consistent – Trust isn’t going to happen over night. It’s an evolution. Those that have known somebody for 40 years still continue to build their trust with each other. Trust never stops building. It is continuous. If you are having a hard time finding the trust there now, just give it time. Things won’t be the same way AT ALL in 5 years. Look at the bigger picture and remember why this matters in the first place.
Breaking through is hard. If you ever meet somebody who tells you overcoming your biggest struggle is easy I want to talk to them! Building relationships with others truly starts with the relationship we begin to build with ourselves. Take a few minutes to grab a copy of my FREE and SHORT eBook that teaches you key ways to release negativity from your life and how to get on the fast track to happiness.
You are important to me, and I want to get to know you! Why don’t you hop on over to my facebook page and introduce yourself!